WWF Night ‘99
Last night was most fun. My floor had WWF night! Now before you groan in disgust (actually you probably already have), let me explain it. No, we did not all gather around a T.V. watching sweaty men on steroids slap each other while yelling macho platitudes. Instead, we became the sweaty guys slapping each other and yelling macho platitudes. Nobody was on steriods, except one guy who occasionally uses it; however, there were some pretty heavy and well-muscled men there. So, what we did was gather up about 25 mattresses and padded our lounge. Now, we had a nice, bouncy cell in which to throw each other around. Next came the loud, agressive music that totally put us out of our civil minds and into a more bestial state. Then came the grappling, the pounding, the body slamming, the blood, the screams, the yells, the smells, the heat.
The first fight went well, with Vega (Reuben) going against El Masquero. The fight was entertaining and quite one-sided (El Masquero was a trained wrestler). The second fight was even better: Brock put some blood on the mattresses and the fight was called. The third fight was me, the Wussinator, versus The Great Pumpkin (Jon Wesche). Before the fight, I was guarding a corner so nobody would impale themselves on it, but suddenly a yell was heard outside and The Great Pumpkin burst in! The Great Pumpkin had arrived! Clad in a white t-shirt emblazoned with his name and a pumpkin on his head, Wesche called for me to challenge him. Wesche is a big guy, a football player, and has almost a hundred pounds on me. But the Wussinator rose to meet the challenger! Insolent scum! In typical fashion, I ripped off my shirt and assumed the praying mantis stance letting loose with my sonic assault of high piched squeeks. TGP and I grappled long and hard. I spanked him a good many times, and he crammed his pumpkin on my head. I never really had the upper hand and I never really had a chance, but the Wussinator will not live up to his name! He is not a wuss! Eventually, though, TGP pinned me, and I nearly suffocated in his beefy belly. I lasted longer than I thought I would.
More fights ensued. Another notable round was when Big Dave and The Insane Gwinn Worker (Fluger) went at it. Big Dave is 290 and TIGW is 280. These were big guys. Big Dave was a football player and TIGW was a brawler in his high school days. The fight had two body slams that were quite floor shaking. However, Big Dave prevailed in the end.
Several times a Royal Rumble broke out and ten guys all piled in at once. The final Rumble saw about 20 guys having it out in the pit, and ended with a dog pile with me almost on the bottom. However, do to noise complaints we were forced to stop after 45 minutes of wrestle mania mayhem.
It had been fun, but people had work to do and tests to study for. The mattresses were packed away and the fighters washed their wounds (the sweat and smells too) nursing their grudges for the next WWF night. . .the night to get even. The only complaint is that the man filming did a pretty poor job of capturing the good moments. That always happens.
ARE YOU READY TO RUUUUMMMMBLLLLEEEEEEE!? I am.
