The Blog with No Name

Yesterday ended with me worried and bothered by many things. First, I’ll get the stupidest thing out of the way. I don’t know why this is even bothering me all that much. Apple just released two new iMacs. And they completely suck. I’m going to catch so much flak for this stupid stupid decision on Steve Jobs part. Flower Power iMacs? What the HECK!? I can’t believe this. Okay, so that’s the stupid thing that’s bothering me.

Another small thing is that I feel so wasteful. All I do is sit in front of my blasted computer. I have little motivation to interact with people or do any extra work. I’m wasting so much time. I used to be much better than this. Just all this stuff has been draining my motivation to do anything.

Most of the stuff that is bothering me is with friends and past friends. It just seems there is so much hostility and strife. Unsaid feelings, hidden throughts, bad blood just seems to infect lots of things right now. It bothers me so much to see this stuff, even when it doesn’t affect me directly. It’s time like these I just want to give up on the human society and go find some deserted island to hole up on. Maybe it’s better to be alone my whole life than have to deal with all this CRAP.

All right, I need to stop. This is weighing too heavily on me right now. I need a break.

Why does Valentine’s Day, of all days, be the day where I feel the least loved? Or the least cared for? I’ve lost both of my best friends within three days of each other. The first one because of various reasons that didn’t have to be so. The second I have no idea why. Now, I feel like something is very wrong with my life. How could I mess things up so badly? Today I skipped two classes and the last one I went to, but I was so distracted and apathetic to really learn anything. I might as well have stayed in bed all morning. I’m playing more computer games than I have in a very very long time. It’s sad. But I just don’t care right now. I have no motivation to do something else. My life seems mostly a shallow experience, and the few deeper experience I have are either too painful or too confusing for me to enjoy or benefit from them.

In short, I feel like a human wasteland right now.

“Please, let me in.”
The professor shook his head.
“Please! I’ll do my very best. Look at my grades! I have proof I work hard!”
The professor shook his head again and a coldness solidified in his eyes. His eyebrows pinched together in resoluteness.
Why was he being so obstinate? You only wanted to move on with your educational life. You only wanted to graduate.
“Sir, please, I need this class in order to graduate on time. If I don’t graduate this year, I will lose my scholorship. If I lose my scholorship, I can’t finish my education. It will be four hard years of my life flushed down the tubes. I won’t be able to get my degree. I won’t be able to move on with my life without this class. Please, let me in.”
“No.”
“Why not? Why can’t I be in this class?”
“Because you will over-burden me. The class is already over the attendence limit, and I have my own life to think about. You will be too much trouble. The straw that breaks the camel’s back if you will.”
“How do you know I will be too much trouble? You’ve never had me before! I’m a great student.”
“I don’t know that though! As far as I know, I only can think you have POTENTIAL as a great student. I’ve been teaching for 25 years, I know my limitations, and I know how to deal with class loads. You are too much. You will be more trouble than you’re worth.”
You grit your teeth and place your face in your hands. Why is he being like this? Doesn’t he understand? This is your only hope of having a decent life. He’s basically killing off all of your dreams. No degree. No secure job. No secure life. No secure family. No secure health. No secure home. He is basically destroying, killing, your future life. And he’s doing this without even giving you a chance! Your patience and emotional restraint is being drained; you feel you are about to explode.
Gritting your teeth and summoning your last bit of civility, you try one last time to sway his will, “Sir, I NEED this class if I’m going to have a life. Do not, please do not, let me go to waste like this. Please, I will not be a burden to you, and I will do my very best to be an exceptional student. You have to at least give me a chance. If I prove to be too much, then you can just pass me on to another teacher. Please, sir, consider it.”
“No, I’ve already made up my mind. Have a good day.”
With that, he spun around on his swivel chair and began to peck away at his keyboard.

This is my first entry in a while. . .And as usual, there isn’t too much for me to say. This quarter is going well. I have very few complaints. Working for the yearbook has become more time consuming, but it isn’t too bad. I’ve recently bought three kids online through Compassion International. Only $28 a month/ kid and I get to make a lasting mark in their lives. I think that’s a good investment of my money. What else would I spend it on? Me?

You know what I hate? Channel surfing. I can’t stand it. Especially when somebody cycles through the channels multiple times, says there’s nothing on, but then keeps looking. ARGH! Then turn it off!

You know those times that are alone and peaceful? Like when you’re the only one in a dark, quiet room with a peaceful heart? Those are nice moments. Still not as good as when you can share that with somebody you really care about, but it’s better than nothing. I wish I could have moments like those more often. Sometimes it’s hard for me to share a room with somebody.